Saturday, February 18, 2006

It's all happening in Outpatients

Yesterday afternoon I went to see my Rheumatologist, nothing remarkable about that per se it's just that I had been waiting since last August. No being seen within 13 weeks in this area. I do of course understand because for about the last two years, since another one retired, there has only been one Rheumatologist in the area. Did they not know he was due to retire, he was ancient after all? Why did they not recruit sooner? Even if they started when he left, it can't take 2 years can it? Well it can when the new appointment decides on the day he is due to start that actually he didn't want the job after all. So my lady has carried on stoically alone whilst they advertised yet again.
Anyway back to my visit. The lady I was due to see had not arrived I was told 30 minutes after the clinic had apparently started. Ho hum, another flick through the rapidly decaying mags in the waiting room with the TV turned off. "Not everyone likes it on". There were only 2 of us there and the other chap appeared to have not heard a thing since the Second World War. A few other patients eventually appeared and all looked at me strangely, wading as I was through "Health Choices" with 2 pairs of gloves on and no coat because I was hot.
After 20 minutes or so the deaf chap's driver came to fetch him. He asked at the desk how long he was likely to be. "What's he waiting for?" asked the receptionist. "Your clinic I presume, I'm only the driver, I've got another two like him round the corner." "How long has he been sitting there then?"
A student nurse who had been told to sit and watch how a good clinic was run took matters into her own hands and asked the deaf chap if he had his letter, very loudly I have to say. "Oh yes," he said "I was waiting for someone to take it off me." He beamed a gummy grin at this sudden attention. Turned out they had been looking for him for half an hour elsewhere and the consultant from the morning clinic was just about to leave and give him up as a non attender.
Suddenly a hive of activity, half past one came with a gaggle of nurses whose enormous circular badges proclaimed "University of Plymouth, Nursing Student", patients booked in and green clad Health Care Officers rushed round with wads of notes and checked out examination rooms. "General tray needed in here Theresa". One doctor appeared then disappeared into a room labeled Reproductive Health Clinic. Obviously some medical miracle was going to take place in there, the hapless patients sat along it's outer wall had been collecting their pensions for years.
At 1.45 I was called or rather my surname was called followed by a muttered "Don't know what your first name is supposed to be." I spelled it out for the shrew-like, older nurse. "That's what it says here, never heard of that before" My address was checked, my 'sample' handed over and I was told to sit and wait again. The whole room had a good look and a snicker whilst I dropped my shoulder bag, my gloves and my coat and then dropped my bag a second time. I sat down. I had still not seen any doctor go into the rooms where my clinic was being held and I had been there by then for 45 minutes.
I never did get to see my lady. Five minutes later I was called again. "Dr will see you now." I was ushered in to the room which I had been sitting outside the whole time. The doctor was indeed in there. It was the long awaited and much heralded new appointment.
I can only assume he had got in through the window which was wide open at ground level and afforded a marvelous view of the car park.

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