You know when you sit in the doctor's waiting room and someone is talking very loudly about some intimate detail of their life and you just want to curl up and die? Well that was me this afternoon.
I was there with my neighbour who has pneumonia and should be in hospital but that's a whole other story. In walked an elderly friend of mine (all right close friend, she was my landlady many, many moons ago) and her fancy man holding hands. Sweet you think, she being 75 and he being 84. They are both a bit deaf and get on fine. Anyway in she barges, sits right next to my neighbour and proceeds to give me her life history in minute detail since I last spoke to her, yesterday afternoon, actually. She was talking very loudly and speaking across my neighbour who as I said is extremely ill and certainly did not have the patience for all that chat. I managed to indicate that it was not a good moment so she carried on talking to the long-suffering boyfriend.
Eventually my neighbour was called in to see the doctor, friend jumps up to fill her seat and to sit right next to me. " You know all that constipation I be 'avin' due to they tablets 'ee give en, well I thought I'd cure it" she started. I busied myself in Shooting and Gun Dogs November 1997 edition. I hate the thought of anything like that but needs must and I was in the company of a load of old farmers. " I ate a whole one of they bags of dried apricots my daughter got me, thought that would shift it." I coughed and studied a picture of couple of hunting hounds avidly.
"Well then I be up all night with the guts ache and rumbles and goodness I was pained, seemed to do the trick though. Like unblocking a drain. Drastic means for drastic problems an' all that."
I mumbled into the magazine. By this time the whole room was looking in our direction. Boyfriend was beaming proudly. She started again about 30 decibels louder. " Oh didn't you hear me dear? I said, you know that constipation........"
I won't be going back there for a week or so.
15 comments:
more like a year or so! ;)
I'm sorry for your embarrassment, but it does sound funny, what a character! xx
She's not a charater but a liability!
lol, well the writer's motto has to be 'it's all material' in any awkward situation! :)
bless her & her boyf... d xx
Great story...too bad it really happened but it is all material! And what is a "fancy boy"?
I think you mean "fancy man" Suz! Anyway it is a slightly derogatory term for a woman's lover, however these two are entirely 'proper' I can assure you!
I like 'fancy boy'! :) Suz you've added to the lexicon yet again!
xxx
LOL! You want someone with too much info you should talk to my cousin, I swear she is 37 going on 97, she quite happily sits with ALL my family discussing her crohn's disease and how it affects her downstairs (Front not back!!) She uses the correct V word which I hate so much and she is just so matter of fact and detailed it makes me cringe, and it goes on and on and on, give me constipation over that anyday!! xx
oh no, I didn't realise she went on like that Helen! (& I didn't know it affected the- look away!;) vagina- either...) xx
What are you two up to?
Shame on you Di using words like that on my blog!! LOL. Bad enough reading about Helen's cousin.
I didn't know it afected THERE either, but then the person I know with Crohn's is a bloke!
LOL!! This really made me giggle this morning, are we lowering the tone?!! xx
Nooo, it's pretty low already!
xx
Jas you've missed your vocation! You and Di should both be in print !
Have to sympathise a little with your cousin Helen and maybe even the old lady ! We ileos can have conversations which get a bit gross, although admittedly only normally amongst ourselves !
Vicki x
as a feminist I belive talking of a woman's reproductive area can only AMELIORATE the tone of one's blog :D
LOL!
I see your point Vicki but I'm sure you're aware of time and place!! xx
So it's a joint trip to see the Vagina Monologues next then!
I agree Vicki, but I'm sure my Father does not want to hear about difficulties inserting tampax and having sex! Now I have really lowered the tone ;-)
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